One

It was a sad and terrible day in the life of beloved actor and pop phenomenon David Hasselhoff. Dressed like Liberace, he had no other choice. He had to do the inevitable. He knew that he must find a Lady Bic, and shave the unholy. No other razor would do. He gathered his belongings (a tape deck and yellow bandana) and set out to jazzercise his way to victory.
Twenty hours, and 30,000 calories later, still no justice. What was the man to do? How could he complete his favorable task without the Sasquatch? He knew what it would come down to, and he wasn’t happy. David must make a Sasquatch, out of blood and sweat.
After the Sasquatch was finished, he started to rub it down with Gillette Shaving Gel (melon burst, to be exact). Yes, he thought, this is finally it. That feeling of satisfaction like nothing else.
I Will. Shave. SASQUATCH. !!!?!

Slowly he began what he was made to do... until the razor slipped from his hand, only to be lost forever in the depths of the forest.....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
THE END.