Five (A Little Girl Named Chelsey)

Once upon a very terrible time, there lived a girl. A LITTLE girl named Chelsey. Yes, she was very little indeed. And she always stank of awesomeness. And she ate a lot of pretzel sticks. AND she took tap dance lessons twice a week. And, well, on to the story.

Chelsey had no life ambition, aside from being a star. She wanted to walk down the street and hear others call her name. She wanted to be in a picture show. She wanted a macaroni and cheese sandwich. She wanted a life.

Not only was Chelsey very little, but she was also very evil, and would stop at nothing to get her way. She had killed many a worthy opponent, and knew that now was most certainly not the time to stop. She took out a gun from beneath her Lycra underpants, and shots rang through the air. One, two, three men were down. Yet, the battle was not over.

She still had to find the turkey wizard. "I want men in underpants!" She shouted to the gods, and the turkey wizard appeared."I can help you with that." he answered."But, to do so will take all of the powers of the universe. Find me... Chuck Norris."

Chelsey searched long and hard for that sucker, but to no anvil. Where in the world could he be?Chelsey looked and looked. Her evil was growing, as was her anger. No! No no. She found many things, even Carmen Sandiego, but no Chucky-poo.

Was she losing her touch? Was her evil melting? Will dinner be ready in time for father to come home?

Chelsey did something she hated to do, and thought real hard. Oh no. Oh crap. Her intelligence was large, and she finally came up with an answer. All she had to do was think like Chuck Norris. She tried and tried her hardest, but could still only think of men in underpants. Her thinking is what finally led her to him though, as he was actually hiding under an enormous bulge.

She grabbed him by the ear and dragged his sorry ass to the wizard. The wizard then proceeded to take the magical principles of a round house kick, and developed a magical potion to discover the secret to success.

Chelsey eagerly grabbed the potion and swallowed it in one gulp.

Kah-pow, kick, crash, BOOM!!!!!!

Things started to change for CHelsey fast, and all of the men could see it, she was slowly but surely developing a new body, that of a warrior princess... Yes oh yessss she thought, I will now be famous for sure. THE fucking END.