Four

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Bigglby was a very sexual and unobtainable giant. All of the women wanted him, but none of them could ever live up to his mother. Hoping to find love somewhere, he decided to create a new other-self.
He gathered up all of the art supplies in the land, crayons, glue sticks, and magic markers. He finely milled his own paper. He even got a Brazilian wax.
And though he truly knew and understood that he was the object of women’s true desire; he wasn’t exactly sure that he was what women needed. Women needed a sense of self he knew, and so he started his sketch.
He sketched for hours, he sketched for days. He sketched until his grubby little hands could stand it no more. Finally done, and with a feeling of accomplishment, he stepped back and took a gander at his handiwork.
Nothing made had ever been so beautiful. His new and satisfactory alter ego was gorgeous, wonderful even. She dazzled and sparkled with such powerful awesomeness, that he could no longer take it. He had to become her at once.
Taking all of his pride and manliness with him, Bigglby made his way down to the grocery store. He bought all of the apples and bananas he could afford, and rubbed them all over his enormous body.
Next, he went to the fabric store and bought all of their sequined fabric. He made dresses and gowns, bras and pant suits. He even made a pair of cowboy boots.
After going to the salon and receiving a terrific perm, he set towards the bay. Docked there was the answer to all of his dreams, a beautiful ruby amongst the sunset. A very large and magnificent ship awaited his journey.
Bigglby was going to have to prepare. He needed to become ready for a long and still very sexual life as a pirate. Now as a woman, he had all of the skills he needed to love and be loved. He had all of the gusto and pizzazz necessary to lead a swashbuckling life of pillaging and murder. Whichever woman chose to be with him now would surely be the love of his life.
Too bad she looked like Hilary Clinton.